The Meanest Mom in the World

I bet you're wondering what I did to earn the title of the Meanest Mom in the World when I've only been a mom for a little over 18 months.

I bought AJ squeaky shoes.

Seriously, she hates them.  She flips out each and every time she sees them.

The first time I thought she was just over tired and it was a weird thing.  I brought them out right before bed and she wasn't having it.  So I tried again the next morning.  When I strapped them on her feet she literally acted like I was giving her Indian burns (you know, when you grab someone's arm and turn your hands in opposite directions).

I stood her up and she was paralyzed in fear and would not take a single step.  When she lost her balance and accidentally squeaked she burst into terrified tears.

I decided that the squeakers were the problem and I just hoped that I hadn't scarred her from the shoes for life.  I pried the squeaky parts out of the shoes and was met by the same reaction.

I figured that it was too soon following the initial incident so I put them away to bring out again after a few days had passed.

Imagine my surprise when we were in her bedroom later that afternoon and she walked over to her shoe basket, grabbed them and took them over to D to have him put on her.  (Seriously.)  Then she looked at them and started getting freaked out.  We quickly took the bows off the top and she was as happy as a clam!

If I ever could have imagined that a little white bow would be more frightening than a squeaker in the heel of a shoe, then I'd be classified as Mom of the Year.

Don't worry, a few steps later she realized she was wearing the death traps shoes and her legs were completely paralyzed again.  She started crying and couldn't even turn around toward us.  It was like she had a flashback and suddenly realized that they were the same shoes as before.

I'm really not sure what it is about the shoes that bothers her so much, but I'm really hoping that we can move past it soon because the shoes are so adorably cute!

Obviously these are the shoes that would earn me the title of "The Meanest Mom in the World."

On Motherhood and Babies

My sister and I can make pretty much any situation awkward. Don't believe me? Then I'll wager a bet that you don't know us in real life. My family is not exactly known for being forthcoming or talking about important topics. We tend to be sarcastic and pick on each other. Its just how we do.

Anyway, we joked on twitter that we were going to ask our mom super awkward questions while I was home and last night we did just that. My sister had found an article in Real Simple and the questions the author listed seemed to have the awkward potential we were looking for, but might actually spark some conversation as well (or at least give us a little insight on our Mama).

So we got to peppering Ma with questions and the conversation went pretty much as we expected. There weren't any big, hidden, family secrets revealed, and honestly, it was interesting to hear my mom's perspective on our childhoods, but overall, I wasn't surprised by any of her answers.

It wasn't until I read an article posted by Kelly at Kelly's Korner that one of Ma's answers made me think.

When we asked her the first question, "What's the one thing you would have done differently as a Mom?" her answer was that she wishes she had taken the time when we were babies to enjoy us as babies more.

This really hit home for me. You know, because I have a baby. And while I love her as a baby, I find myself looking forward to the day she is older. Not any specific age, per se, but old enough to talk, follow directions, go to school, entertain herself for 8 seconds, etc.

Hearing my mom wish that she had savored the time we were babies and then reading the article that Kelly posted today really made me think and appreciate the fact that our babies are only babies for such a short period of time. Sure, I'll probably have another kid in the future, but AJ will only be a baby for another few months (some may even argue that she is already out of the baby stage). I can always experience a subsequent child's baby-hood, but I want to try and enjoy what is left of AJ's baby stage as well. I don't want to look back on my life (and AJ's) and wish I had savored the seasons of life more.

So I know that people of all ages and experiences read my blog, I'd be interested to know what you wish you'd done differently with your kids, whether they're still babies or grown and out of the house.

What The Heck?

Can I talk about something here? (Of course I can, its my blog!)

If I have one piece of advice to offer the new and expecting moms, it is this:

DON'T compare yourself to other moms, or your kids to other kids.

Now, for me, I haven't really had trouble with the second part of this. AJ is the most perfect, most adorable, cutest baby in the world. Wait, so is your kid? Of course they are! As moms I think its natural to look at your kid and see Heaven. Seriously, there are days when I sit and watch her play and just smile because I can't believe that not only did I make that piece of perfection, but I managed to keep her alive up to this point!

That's right, folks, I'm taking credit for her! Well, the good parts at least, the stubbornness and attitude come from the hubby (yeah, right).

My point is, I rarely compare her to other kids. I think I heard the saying "every baby is different" enough times during my pregnancy that it must have sunken in. To me, watching AJ learn new skills or get new teeth is exciting, regardless of whether Bobby across the street started walking at 2 months old or Susie was potty trained by her first birthday (I call bull sh!t, people, but I digress).

What I struggled with early on was comparing myself as a mom to other moms.

I didn't have an all-natural, home, water, pain-free, drug-free, hypno, upside-down birth. I had a scheduled C-Section.

I also didn't cloth diaper right away, nor did I breast-feed AJ past the 6 week mark. I have my reasons for each and every decision that I made and honestly, I no longer feel the need to explain myself. I made the best decisions for my family, and while your choices may be different from those that I made, I'm sure they're the best for you and your family.

Plus, lets be honest here.

Some of the choices that I made were not at all what I expected. I changed my mind. I'll admit (and this isn't easy, here) that I was wrong. I thought that I would have a drug-free, all-natural birth. I thought that I would breastfeed until 1 year (or at least 6 months). I had decided that cloth diapers weren't for us. We were not going to co-sleep, no matter what. AJ would be in her crib from day 1.

Well guess what, folks. As I said above, I had a scheduled C-section, only breastfed for 6 weeks as opposed to months, we use cloth diapers, and AJ was in bed with us for the first 3 months of her life and even after that I had trouble putting her in her pack 'n' play in our room, much less across the hall by herself!

I have encountered moms who have made different decisions and some are understanding (without explanation) of my choices, but far more are judgmental. Like somehow, my decision to bottle feed will affect their child negatively. I used to feel like I owed them an explanation as to why I chose to poison formula feed my baby. (Yes, in case you are wondering, I have actually encountered people who equate formula with poison.)

Maybe its because we're past this point and AJ is now drinking the same whole milk that their kids are, or maybe I have grown more confident in my skills as a mom, but I no longer feel the need to even discuss my choices with the judgmental moms. Now, don't get me wrong, if you want to know, I'll tell you, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it, nor will I follow the line "we used formula" with a lengthy explanation about the inability to latch or nipple shields, etc.

If you want to go to a LLL meeting, more power to you! There still are times when I wish that I had been able to breast feed AJ, but those thoughts are no longer ridden with guilt like they once were.

So, to all you expectant moms out there, be ready for the judgment. I think that moms of babies are some of the most judgmental people out there, mostly because the different options are so controversial. Do you vaccinate on schedule or delay? Breast or Bottle? Pacifier or no pacifier? Cloth or disposable? Baby wear or stroller?

I think in the end, no matter what decisions you make for your child, trust your gut. You know what is best for you, your baby, and your family.

Bottom line is, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Parenting Philosophy

I read this blog post over the weekend and it got me to thinking.

I'll be completely honest. When I was pregnant with AJ I was so consumed with being pregnant that I forgot to think about what my parenting philosophy would be once she was here. Then, after she was born, I was too busy parenting to really think about whether or not I was doing it the way I had (not) planned.

Now that we're getting to a stage in her life where she knows who the boss is, ahem, *cough, cough* its me, I'm starting to realize that as the mom, sometimes there are things that aren't necessarily dangerous for her to do or play with, but they are things that I still don't want her to do. While it may be easier for me to just let her do it, I want to maintain a sense of heirarchy in our house, with me and D standing at the top. Now, whether or not this will happen successfully over time is yet to be seen.

I hope that I will always be able to maintain a respectful, healthy relationship with my children, while being a parent, and not a friend to my kids. One of the most important aspects of parenting is maintaining a foundation of rules and expectations for one's children. Obviously the expectations are fluid and change as children grow.

I'm sure that there will be times when it might seem easier to be her friend than it is to be her mom, but I hope I can remind myself to step back and remember that she already has friends, and what she needs is a mom. I am grateful that my own parents didn't fall prey to the disturbing trend that is parents acting like their kids' friends. I have had a few friends in life whose parents were always trying to be buddies with their kids and us (their kids' friends) and let me tell you, its weird. There's a point in life when its acceptable to be friends with your kids, but I don't think its until your age starts with a 2!

When I was a kid, I know I wished that my parents were more lenient, but now that I'm more mature, I'm glad for the rules that were imposed upon me. When children don't have appropriate boundaries set for them, they don't thrive. I'm not talking about rules that are obvious for safety reasons, but rules that are in place to establish boundaries. Children may find these types of rules to be unfair because without the maturity that comes with adulthood, it is hard to understand.

I am expecting it to be difficult to establish family rules during this next phase of AJ's life but I think its really important to set the rules when she is young and stick to them consistently throughout her life. I don't want to confuse her by changing the rules a few years down the road. I know that some things will change over time, but I aim to be as consistent as possible.

Okay, I know that those of you with older kids (or just kids older than mine) are laughing at me, but that is okay. I'm not claiming to have all the answers; I realize that I'm going to make many, many parenting mistakes over the course of my life. I just hope that I can always look back at each season of life and be proud of the way we raised our kids.

Things I Never Knew Til I Had A Baby

I've been thinking about this topic for a few days now. I've had a few conversations with friends and family lately that have kind of made me half laugh, half be annoyed.

I haven't really thought about it until now, but there are lots of things I never knew until I had my own baby.

I'm not talking about things like newborns poop 24/7 or how to do everything with only one hand.

Scenario 1:

I had a conversation with an out of town friend who is pregnant and she mentioned that next time I'm in town we'll have to have a cook-out. She is due in June and we won't be back in Hometown USA until around 4th of July.

Before I had a kid I would not have even thought twice about this plan. Now that I have a kid, I know that when she has a one month old baby the last thing she's going to want to do is to host a BBQ at her house. More than likely they will both still be getting used to each other and the new challenges they're facing (i.e. sleeping, getting a shower, eating, etc.).

Scenario 2:

We know a couple stationed here from a previous duty station. She is pregnant and due in April. We've been trying to get together with them since we got her about a month ago. We've invited them over for dinner several times and our schedules have just not clicked.

They invited us to go out to dinner with them this weekend, which with an-almost-one-year-old is not really high on our list of fun ways to spend Friday night. We declined, explaining why and mentioned that lunch would be a whole heck of a lot easier for us, if they were up for it.

Last night D got a text from the guy, asking if we wanted to see a movie on Saturday (today).

Um. Really?

Don't get me wrong, I know that before you have kids there are a lot of things that you don't know and lots that you probably don't even think about (like how miserable it is to try and eat and entertain your tired, hungry, crabby 11-month-old in a restaurant while everyone glares at you...I'm not enjoying this either, people!).

Heck, I actually found it a little bit funny at first, making a comment to D along the lines of "they will find out soon enough!" That is until we got the movie invitation. I think that it is probably common sense to assume that if dinner out will be a challenge then a movie is simply out of the question.

We're not bummed out that we can't do these types of things anymore, we just accepted it as a part of parenthood. We actually like the fact that we rarely eat out anymore. It makes the times we do eat out that much more special (it also saves us a lot of money).

I know you want to look at this face while eating....

So, you're welcome. We're the parents who don't force you to listen to our kid whine, scream and cry during your Friday night out!

**I should add that this post may sound a little snarky, but I really just thought it was funny!**

A Question For The Moms....

I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but AJ has recently started crawling scooting and it won't be long before she is full out crawling around our house. I also want to mention that we have no carpeting in our house. Seriously, every square inch of the floor is either wood or tile. My problem is that since AJ is not super steady yet, she keeps flipping over accidentally and smacking her head on the hard floors.

So mamas out there, have you had this problem? How did you rectify it?

Obviously its a temporary problem because eventually she'll get steadier and won't be flipping over, but then we'll get into the whole standing/walking stage when she'll start falling again. So I had the idea to get some of those soft puzzle piece mats that go on the floor to cushion her falls a little bit.

Something like this.

Does this seem like overkill to you or no? I should also mention that we will only be in this house until December, then we'll be moving somewhere else (where we'll more than likely have carpeting in at least part of the house).

What do you think? What have you done?